Face Painting

Clinique Anti-Blemish Solutions Liquid Makeup
It has been years since I wore foundation. In fact, the last foundation I ever wore was £1.50 from the local market and I was about 16. So safe to say that I don't know a lot about foundation and what's good. Recently my skin has decided that it no longer does nice and clear so I figured it was about time that I bought something to cover up and even out. My mum swears by Clinique and my Grandmother says that it is the only makeup that she doesn't have an allergic reaction to. Because I have so little understanding of what foundation to use, colour and type-wise, I got the lady to help me. She was a pretty woman, I would say early twenties. She was quite pale with freckles and dark hair. She was wearing pink tint on her lips and a little pink blusher. We tested two different kinds of foundation on my hand and I decided that the Anti-Blemish Solutions was the better of the two. If I am being completely honest, I couldn't much tell the difference between the two, it's just that this was the first one that she put on. Then she put in on my face. I never get my makeup done by anyone else; I have never been the kind of girl who gets ready to go out with other girls. It felt like I was getting my face painted. When I was younger, I would always ask to be a fairy, or a butterfly, but sat there with her doing my makeup, part of me was hoping that she would make me a tiger. I am not quite sure why. As I was sat in the chair, it hit me that I was dressed about as close to a tom-boy as I get, when you consider that I am pretty girly and never wear jeans, only skirts and dresses. My hair was all messy ponytail and the only makeup I had before going to Boots was a little mascara. I was wearing a scratty old Sid Vicious T-shirt that belonged to my mum before I was born, a light blue tie-dye skirt with leggings, an over sized old army jacket and my Nike Blazers. It obviously didn't help that I had no idea about what she was putting on my face and that, when she asked what my skincare regime was, my answer was 'I wash my face...?'. Ah well. It was like a transformation scene in a movie, although it would have helped if she had held the mirror where I could see myself afterwards.

Boots' Soft Cosmetic Sponge Wedges
Back when I did used to wear foundation, I never used a brush. Sometimes I would just use my hands, but I always preferred to use sponges. I find them easier to use and I like the feel of them. Plus, they are much cheaper than brushes and I had just bought really expensive foundation.

Boots' Tea Tree and Witch Hazel Cleansing and Toning Wipes
My last make up wipes were dirt cheap and, honestly, not that great. Although, possibly Mulan's magic make up removing sleeves have raised my expectations for make up remover a little too high. I trust Boots' Tea Tree and Witch Hazel line, I already use the facial scrub. They have a clean smell about them, which is always nice. Plus, I like the colour of the packaging a lot and good packaging gets you every where.

Boots' Essentials Lipsalve
I have a bit of an obsession with moisturizing my lips. This lipsalve is cheaper than Vaseline and works almost as good. My last lipsalve was the peppermint one and I have just run out of that. This particular one is unflavoured and not tinted. It just does the job that it is supposed to do.

Post-Exams Shopping

So I haven't been to work in a while because of exams at University. I am working tonight so I thought I should pop out and grab some things.

La Senza Underwear
A new La Senza has just opened in my town and it's much bigger than the Ann Summers. I found this black clingy baby doll with matching knickers quite quickly. It's tight and the cup size is pretty good for my boobs even though they were only sized in small, medium and large. It's all quite sheer and it comes to the very top of my thighs. I think it's very pretty and am glad that I now have two whole outfits for work.

Eyelure Evening Wear Ultra Glam Lashes

I have needed to buy new eyelashes for a bit, my old ones are getting a little on the scratty side. I was planning to just get the Nicola Girls Aloud lashes that I normally get, because I do love them, but I figured I should try some new ones to see how I feel about them. I like the shape of these; they are quite a bit fuller at the outer corners, which is something I look for in eyelashes. 

Impress Superstar Scandal Press-On Manicure
My nails are so weak at the moment that I have to keep them pretty short which is a problem for painting them. I haven't worn false nails in years but I have meaning to get some for a while now. This is the first of two sets that I bought today; they are a kind of dark maroon and quite long. I haven't put them on yet, so I am not sure what they look like while being worn; but I do like the look of them at the moment.

Boots Perfect Finish Artificial Nails in Pink
These are much plainer than the other set, in case I want to be a little more low-key. They seem to be a similar length to the maroon ones, perhaps a little longer, but I can't really tell while they are all in the box. These were quite cheap but they don't seem to be much lower quality than the others that I saw in the shop.

Pretty Polly Cotton Rich Footsies
I bought these so that I wouldn't have to wear stockings to work. I do love the way that stockings look, but they are such a bother. I don't have a garter belt so I have to wear hold ups and I always knock them down when I dance. Also, they get ladders in them and I find that embarresing. I would quite like to start learning tricks on the pole and it's much harder in stockings.

Shopping :)

I had to go into town today because I had been overpaid by £100 on my last day before I left for Easter break. I had let my then-boss know the next morning. What I didn't know is that he had quit that night and put what was missing from the till in himself. I found this out on Sunday morning. He then gave me his bank details so that I could give him back the money.

Due to the fact that I was already in town, I figured it would only make sense to do a little shopping for myself. I had been planning to get something new to wear to work because I am a bit nervous about my new boss and I want to make a good impression. Unfortunately, there was nothing in Ann Summers that I really wanted. I liked a lot of the stuff that they were selling, but none of it was quite right for work or for the way I like to dress for work. I would like more than anything for some of the girls at work to take me out and show me where to get nice things. Except I am shy and I find shopping with people a little awkward.

I tried a few other lingerie shops, but I couldn't find anything like what I was looking for. So popped to Boots to grab a couple of little things.

Boots' Natural Collection Juicy Lips in Vanilla

This is just a clear, shiny lip gloss that I suppose smells a little like vanilla. Well, it kind of doesn't at all, but it doesn't smell bad. I have needed a decent lip gloss for a while. Girls on TV always have shiny, glossy lips, even if they are going for a 'natural' make up look. I have always struggled because lip gloss is often quite a pink colour and I am a little too dark for that. Even if they aren't pink, I am still trying to work out what lip colours suit me because my skin tone isn't really advertised for in the UK. I remembered that my sister used to have this lip gloss and that it never was too glossy and overpowering. It's just pretty and, because it's clear, I assume that it suits all skin tones. Plus it was £1.99 so I figured I might as well give it a shot. I have since tried it on and it was the right choice, especially coming into Summer. I can wear it for work as well as everyday life because I tend to wear more makeup on my eyes than anywhere else at work. 

Boots' Essentials Brown Hair Grips

My mum always called these bobby pins. I'm not sure why, is it a thing? Bobby pins, or hair grips, always get lost. You by an entire packet and in no time you have none. I like to use them for when I am doing pin curls. I have quite short hair and I cut it myself, so really the only time I feel comfortable with it down is if it is curly. When I am not working, my hair is always up and, because it is short, I need as many pins as I can get to hold them up. 

Boots' Essentials Large Cushion Rollers

I spent ages looking at the different rollers and curlers. I already have bendy curlers, but they create small, uneven tight curls and I was looking for something a little bigger. I looked at the big velcro curlers that would add a lot of volume. They would have been useful, but Zoella talked about these on her YouTube Channel and I liked the idea of having comfortable curlers that I could sleep in. I'm not sure how comfortable they really are; I have yet to try them, but they feel squidgy and they have to be better than my bendy curlers with their wire inside. Also, at £2.19, they were the cheapest of the rollers and so seemed worth a go. 

Shorts from JD Sports

Completely separately from everything else, I bought these shorts for non-work related dancing. My old pair of shorts are actually a wee bit on the little side and, in all honesty, my bum is too big for them. In a good way. I just felt like they gained more attention than I or some other people were comfortable with. So I took a trip to JD sports and bought a bigger pair of shorts. They are pretty soft and I have a strange fondness for grey.

So that was what I bought. Not a lot, because I don't like to spend lots of money. Maybe next week I will by some new Lingerie for work :) 

xxx

New Shoes :)

Sorry for the lack of imagination in the title; I was going to reference a She and Him song because I am Zooey Deschanel's biggest fan and I love their music but I decided against it as it is quite an obscure song and the reference wouldn't have been completely obvious even to people who do know the song so...

Any way, basically, I bought some new shoes for work.

I bought them online on a website called wearifudare.co.uk. I am always a bit unsure about buying things online, mostly because I get paid in cash and am a bit rubbish at putting my money in the bank. This said, I couldn't find shoes suitable for the club in any shops and so had to turn to the internet. This particular website had large selection of shoes; I was impressed. 

I have wanted to buy new work shoes since I started working as a lap dancer for a few reasons. The shoes that I have been wearing up until now were bought for me by my Mum for my high school leaver's ball and I feel a bit uncomfortable stripping in shoes that my Mum bought for me. Also, even if it weren't for that, they were difficult to put on due to the fact that they had ribbon ties that took ages to sort out every time I wanted to wear them. They are beautiful shoes, but they just aren't right for work. 

I decided quite early on that I didn't want the clear-soled 'stripper' shoes, even though Taylor Momson wears them so well. I wanted it to not be obvious that they were for lap dancing in if my Mum saw them. For this reason, I had a look on high street shops' websites, like Schuh and Office. Unfortunately, nothing they were selling was quite right; either they weren't high enough or they didn't have straps to stop me from falling off them while I was dancing. So I had to resort to shops that were more designed for strippers. These shoes were the closest to what I had in mind while I was looking and they were relatively cheap, so I bought them. Turns out that they do have a certain 'stripper' look about them, which is good for work but the idea of taking them home for the Summer worries me slightly. 

They are a wee bit on the tight side, but I am pretty sure that they will be just snug once I have worn them in. I keep walking around my bedroom in them; they are quite fun to tap dance in. They look pretty good on, and the height isn't really a problem due to the fact that platform is not exactly small. The heel itself is just under six inches and so not an absolute killer. Also, I am quite little so I won't be towering over the men who come into the club. 

Anyway, I have until Thursday to wear them in sufficiently for them to not kill me at work.  

The Magic That Is Mike

As those of you who follow me on Tumblr may have noticed, I watched Magic Mike on Wednesday night. Now, I very much enjoyed it despite not being the kind of girl who just goes silly over almost entirely naked men. I watched it with the intention of blogging about it, seeing as it is a film about stripping and this is a blog about stripping. I took many, many notes while watching it; this may be a long post.

What Can't You Touch?
This initial setting down of the rules only to take them away with 'but I think we got a lot of lawbreakers in here' intrigued me. Despite the laws, it is considered acceptable for the women to touch the men. Now, in the club where I work at least, and I am assuming in other clubs in the country, the men don't touch women. The women don't want to be touched and the men that do try to touch the women are at the very least looked down upon. I am not talking about actual sexual assault here, because obviously that is always wrong, I just found an interesting difference in the way male and female strippers expect their customers to act. Similarly, I found that the enthusiasm of the girls was very different to the way the men act in the club I work in. This may be because it is only a small club, but, in all honesty, I can't see them getting that excitable, even in a big club.

Promotional Work
I mentioned in an earlier post about promotional work and how I hated it. I will admit that I have only been once, but I was struck by how easy it seems to be for Mike and Adam to do. I'm not sure if this is because it is already night and I was promoting in the day time or if it is because they are male. I hate to go on and on about gender roles and essentially become a stereotype, but it does seem more accepted and therefore easier for men to approach girls than the other way around. I also wonder if it were easier for Adam not initially knowing what he was promoting.

Big Performances
I think that the dances, both the group ones and the individual ones are what really sold the film for me; I am an absolute sucker for dance movies. At the club where I work, we have a tiny stage with a pole on it. Sometimes girls get up to dance, but there is no production, no show. As a dancer, a performer, I envy the girls at bigger clubs for their audiences. I haven't yet got on the pole because I don't yet know how I would go about doing that.

His First Time
Something that I do not envy Adam for is his first dance. My first dance was for a young lad from Argentina, just the one, with no one else watching. Admittedly he struggled to accept the 'no touching' rule, but at least that was all. He had no previous experience of strip clubs, had no expectations, was just happy to see a naked girl. Now Adam, poor Adam, had to do his first, awkward and uncomfortable dance in front of loads of women, his boss and his new co-workers. I would not have been able to do that.

Learning Lessons
In the film, Adam gets a lot more direction than I have had. On my first night, I was given a lap dance by one of the girls and since then I have had no real insight into anything. Adam gets a mirrored room with his boss telling him exactly how to do his job. He gets to go on a shopping trip for 'work clothes' with Mike who really helps him with what he should wear. I have so far only been on the one shopping trip and it was on my own. Yes, I bought something pretty, but also yes, it was directionless and awkward.

Family Issues
Now, as I mentioned recently, my family do not know what I actually do for money. I would not leave my stuff hanging around where any family member may see it, in fact, I have not bought actual stripper shoes and do not plan to because I would be worried that my mum would see them. But Adam got caught be his sister. I would quite like to know how she didn't guess straight away. If I saw this sudden change and acquiring of interesting and 'exotic' attire, I would not first think 'gay', but instead 'stripper'. And then she went to the show. I have younger brothers; if I had been informed that they were strippers, I would not go to the club where they were stripping. That would be weird.

House Calls
I don't know how I would feel about going to houses to strip for parties. I have seen 'Player's Club' (maybe I will blog about that one day in the future; I have a lot to say about it), and it doesn't seem entirely fun. In fact, in this film it doesn't seem quite jelly and ice cream.

Some Final Points

• The miniature pig is my favourite character, closely followed by his owner, if only for her perfect hair and despite the fact that she is just a drug addict with no real character development. 
• Mike's house is absolutely beautiful and I dream of one day living in that exact house, even if it doesn't actually exist in the real world.  
• "I think we should be best friends" - yes this is really rather cute and, yes, this is what I want. I will admit that I went into stripping with the expectation that I would find a guide, a really close female friend who would look out for me. Unfortunately, despite how lovely the girls I work with are, I have yet to find that relationship.
• "You're not just stripping. You are fulfilling every woman's wildest fantasies." I just like this quotation. My boss has said something similar to me, only about men, not women. 
• How much clothes do they go through? They just keep ripping them off. Do they have to buy them themselves?

I said that I took many notes, didn't I? So yes, I very much enjoyed this film. It didn't need anything more than it had, in my opinion. I watched it like I watch a dance movie and didn't worry about it. 

A Distinct Lack of Money Making

Last weekend was not a good one for work. I worked Thursday night and managed to give three dances. I was supposed to work on Saturday night too, but the time of the month came along. What are strippers supposed to do when they are on their period? I am just going to have to assume that they can't work. This left my grand total of money earnt that weekend at £24; far less than the previous week's £180.

Drinking on the job, with the boss
I may have mentioned that my boss is a darling. He often orders the girls drinks, particularly on dead nights like last Thursday. He offered me a drink several times on Thursday, but I wasn't feeling very well and I'm actually not much of a drinker. He saw me drinking at one point in the night and was amused to find that the drink in my hand was water. At the end of the night, he gave me and one other girl a shot of something lemon-y. I personally don't like sherbet and this was exactly what the drink tasted like, but I managed.

He has offered to take me to lunch one day; I am sure I will go. I can't tell what kind of relationship he is trying to have with me; I can't tell if he is properly flirting or if he is just looking after me. Don't get me wrong, despite his working in a strip club, he isn't sleazy. He flirts with all the girls and I am fine with that; I am a flirt myself. I just don't want him thinking that we could ever be anything else. Luckily, I am very good at saying no.

Innocence Maintained
My boss laughs at me because of my naivety, my wide eyed innocence. Of course, I absolutely play on that; I am the baby of the group and I use that. It helps in my line of work. The owner of the club, a different man to my boss, told me that my innocence is what will make me a fortune. I will admit, I find that a little gross, but I have been using my vulnerability as a way of attracting people for a long time.  Obviously, a lot of it is exaggeration; I am still a stripper, but I am also a tiny bit of a prude and easily shocked. On top of this, I have a young looking face, rounded with little features.

I do not believe that stripping will take away the naivety that I have; life would have already taken it if it were to happen. Besides, even if I were to stop being truly naive at all, it's the part I play best of all. I have my giggle spot on and most of the time it is faker than it sounds. So maybe I will make a fortune yet. Just not last weekend.

On Going Public

Just how important is honesty, anyway? 
So I just evaded telling a group of my friends what I do for money far more deliberately and drastically than I would have thought would be in character for me. I actually physically left the bar where we were all sat chatting and having a laugh so as to avoid having to tell them. Now I'm left with a dilemma. Should I have told them? Perhaps I should send a message on facebook to at least the one who I am closest to as a friend. I am naturally an honest and open person; I have always found that I lack secrets almost entirely. This is not necessarily a thing that I have worked hard to maintain or even something that is really a conscious thing; being unable to keep information in is simply a quirk of my character. It has something to do with my struggle with anxiety.

This said, this was actually the second occasion I have withheld information about my chosen occupation; in fact, I outright lied to my mother. Oh, please believe me, I feel terrible about it. I don't like to make a habit of lying to my mother, but I am working much harder than she knows to be her baby. I will spare you the sob story as it's horribly cliched and I don't like to whinge.

So now I am thinking about how it was when the people who do know found out. Why is it I am afraid of telling new people?

What does it mean when they are not surprised?
The first person who I spoke to face-to-face about my new job was a lad who lives on the same floor as me in the halls I am staying in at University and who is also in some of my lectures. I hadn't spoken to anyone since getting off the phone with my new boss and I was buzzing with excitement, nerves and disbelief. I couldn't keep the news in; really I would have told anyone. I told him that I had got a job as a 'dancer in a club' and he understood. He took it so calmly and without question that I have since wondered a little how it is that others see me. But not too much, as I am quite sure that they do not look down upon me and actually, generally, quite like me.

Very soon after I had told him, I told a girl on my course who I am really quite close to. She took it just as calmly and wished me luck on my first night. So, thus far, I had been what I considered rather lucky, although I still wasn't thinking entirely straight as I was still a little drunk on the news of my new employment.

A slight belief and morality clash
I had texted my best friend at University, a boy both on my course and my corridor, as soon as I had got off the phone to my boss. However, he had been busy until the lecture and I didn't actually get to talk to him about it until we had actually sat down for the lecture. He was very uncomfortable about it and, quite frankly, taken aback. I was a little surprised by this as I had talked about becoming a stripper before and I don't think I ever came across as though I was joking about it. As I mentioned before, I am generally quite open and honest, particularly about things such related to sexuality. There is little that the people I live with do not know about my sexuality.

Under a little interrogation when the two of us were in a more private setting, I found that strip clubs were not places that he thought should exist. He is quite a devote Catholic and therefore has a very different moral views from me, a pro-sex Atheist. We agreed to not talk about it again, but it did make things a little awkward between us for about a week before we sorted it out with an Angel marathon.

A noisy and large grapevine
By dinner the next day, I got the distinct feeling that far more people than I had told knew about my recent employment. The lads were loving it and were even planning an outing for my first night until I put my foot down about it. They were very excited for me. They were actually being very sensible and serious about it, considering the fact that they were now living with a stripper.

The girls weren't so enthusiastic. They worried for my safety and acted as though this were something that I had been forced into. One girl begged me to not do it and offered to go job hunting with me, making me feel like a lesser part of society and distinctly less that comfortable about being around them. They weren't trying to make me feel bad about it, as far as I can tell, and I don't believe that they were judging me for it; they just couldn't understand that I am well equipped for taking care of myself.

A job as a flirting device
I told a few of the lads I had been flirting with about my job. This was after telling a boy I went on a date once but am now just friends with. I had initially worried that he would judge me, or look at me in a different way, as he is a good, nice boy, but he told me that I was actually more attractive to him now. This, obviously, interested me and I, as an experiment, told a few more lads. I found that I got the same response. I am sure that if I were looking for a serious relationship it would be different, although I am not sure how different; I have always made it clear that, moral views-wise, I am not like other girls. So maybe it wouldn't make any difference at all.

Perhaps I have to just tell people and let them decide what they think, rather than me deciding what they will think and just never letting the find out.